1. The hurtful comment and the real reason behind our previous actions
2. The challenges we faced due to lack of privacy and our decision to rent a place together
3. Discovering my husband’s hygiene issues after marriage
4. The ongoing struggle with bathing and brushing teeth at night
5. The impact on our relationship and communication breakdown
6. My frustration and the need for someone to listen or help
7. Praying for a change and the importance of personal hygiene in a relationship.
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Have you ever had an argument with your partner that left you feeling hurt and misunderstood? I recently experienced one of those moments when my husband made a comment that really struck a nerve. It went something like this, “When we were dating, you were doing everything to convince me to marry you. Now that we’re married, you’re complaining about me not bathing. You women are all the same.”
His words deeply wounded my ego because that wasn’t the point at all. We didn’t enter this marriage as part of some audition or to fulfill a checklist of actions to secure a ring on my finger. It was about love and the circumstances we found ourselves in. You see, we didn’t have our own rooms. I was still living with my parents, sharing a room with my younger sister, and he was perching with a friend after moving from a different town to work in Accra.
We had limited opportunities to spend time together and express our love physically. We would meet in unusual places and seize any moment of privacy we could find. It wasn’t about whether he had taken a bath or not; it was about our deep desire for each other. Those encounters were spontaneous and rushed, driven by our love and passion. It wasn’t a calculated move to manipulate him into marriage.
We continued dating for two years under these challenging circumstances. At one point, I had the means to rent a place, but I knew my parents wouldn’t allow me to leave the house unmarried. So, I took a risk and proposed that we pool our resources and rent a place together. He would move in first, and once we got married, I would join him.
Many people laughed at my decision, doubting his commitment and warning me about potential infidelity. But love blinded me from seeing the humor in their comments or the doubts they raised. I trusted him, and I was willing to make sacrifices for our relationship.
When he made that hurtful comment about me wanting marriage, I asked for an apology, but he refused. Instead, he walked out of the bedroom and slept in the hall. It wasn’t about the lack of personal hygiene, though that was the underlying issue. Sometimes a person’s ego can blind them from the truth.
It wasn’t until after we got married that I discovered my husband’s aversion to bathing. As a field worker, he would leave home early in the morning, work all day under the scorching sun, and return home exhausted. Instead of taking a refreshing bath, he would simply collapse into bed. His excuses ranged from being too tired to bathe to wanting to sleep more if he washed up immediately.
Days turned into weeks, and his lack of personal hygiene became more apparent. His armpits would emit an unpleasant odor, and his skin would feel sticky. It made me uncomfortable when he would lie on me, but I endured it, believing it was a sacrifice I had to make for our marriage.
Then came the issue of brushing his teeth at night. No matter what I said or did, he refused to pick up the toothbrush before bed. He argued that even if I brushed my teeth at night, I would still wake up with bad breath, so why bother? Kissing wasn’t a problem since he wasn’t a fan, but when it came to intimacy in the evening, his lack of oral hygiene became a concern.
I tried addressing these issues with him, hoping we could talk it through and find a solution. However, it always turned into a week-long fight, with no money being given for household expenses or important discussions being put on hold. It seemed that not fulfilling his desires meant withholding everything else as well.
One evening, after a long day at work, he surprised me by rushing to the bathroom to take a bath without any prompting. I looked up at the sky and silently thanked God, praying that this newfound motivation to bathe would continue. That night, I eagerly showed him affection, hoping that it signaled a positive change.
Unfortunately, the next evening, he didn’t touch the soap and sponge because he hadn’t worked with grease that day. It felt like he was slowly draining the joy out of our marriage while blaming me for it. A handsome man like my husband should have no issues with water and soap, yet he behaves as if his very skin will be washed away every time he bathes.
He once told me, “I’m focused on making money, and you’re worried about bathing. A true hustler doesn’t have time for such little things.” If money had the ability to choose the pocket it entered, it certainly wouldn’t choose my husband’s, as the scent emanating from down there would surely repel it.
I find myself here, ranting about my husband’s lack of hygiene, perhaps out of frustration or the need to discuss it with someone who will listen. Maybe I even need help to find a way to address this issue and bring about a change in his habits. It may seem funny, but every time I pray, I find myself mentioning it to God. As if there aren’t more pressing matters like money, favor, and good health, I shamefully ask God to pour heaven’s water on my husband so that he may develop a love for bathing and brushing his teeth at night.
In conclusion, personal hygiene is a crucial aspect of any relationship. It affects not only physical health but also emotional well-being and intimacy. I hope that my husband can understand the importance of cleanliness and take steps to improve his habits. Until then, I will continue to pray and seek solutions, for the sake of our marriage and our happiness together.
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