One of the most prevalent causes for divorce is a lack of compatibility and communication. Before saying “I do,” those who want to engage into a lasting marriage should surely set their expectations and history on the table. That way, they will be ready for any challenges they may face as couples.
Bright Side is breaking down the topics that couples considering marriage should discuss before tying the knot.
How will we merge our finances?
It is critical to think about how you will manage the money you will be earning in the future. In addition to one joint account to which both spouses contribute each month, each individual may require their own private stash. A number of how much is needed monthly might be discussed and agreed upon, based on how much their wages are. Determining when the money from your combined accounts can be spent is also an important consideration.
What is the precise amount of your debt?
Confirming each other’s true debts might assist you in planning ahead for how to address them. Nobody wants to be surprised by their new spouse’s debt after they marry. Anyone would feel cheated if they just learned about their partner’s true debt after the wedding. Furthermore, this may have a negative impact on their partner’s trustworthiness.
How are we putting money aside for our golden years?
Everyone must retire from employment at some point. And being married necessitates including one another in one’s retirement planning. You will need to budget for adequate food for two people, as well as potential medical bills if either of you becomes ill.
Do you intend to start a family?
Not everyone who wants to marry wants to start a family. Even if both partners desire children, there are additional issues to consider, such as parenting styles, what you would do if the children had special needs, or how you would respond if they turned out to be different than you thought.
What will you do if we can not have children?
Having children is a need for some people. So, if a couple can not have children for any reason, they will have to figure out what to do next. They may decide to adopt a kid, use a surrogate, undergo IVF, or get divorced and marry someone else.
How will we divide our responsibilities?
Chores may appear to be little, yet they might be the catalyst for a full-fledged brawl. This is because a person may feel overwhelmed if they have to handle all of the duties on their own. To keep the harmony in the family, it is a good idea to discuss the duties that each member is responsible for.
What do you regard to be a kind of cheating?
Although we may believe that everyone understands what cheating entails, the phrase might signify various things to different individuals. For instance, one individual may consider kissing to be cheating, while another may consider simply meeting up with an ex to be inappropriate. Some individuals believe that falling in love with someone else is a kind of infidelity. To avoid misunderstandings, a couple should discuss how comfortable they are with each other’s proximity to other people.
What are your ambitions and aspirations for the future?
“Where do you see yourself in five to thirty years?” This may sound like an interview question, but a person’s goals may differ from their partner’s definition of happiness in marriage. One may be prepared to struggle as an artist before breaking through, whilst the other may just desire a comfortable existence with a constant paycheck. This question may assist people in imagining what their shared existence would be like.
What are your non-negotiables?
Everyone has pet peeves, and it is important to share them with one another so that living together is pleasant. For example, one individual may feel compelled to maintain things in order, while the other may prefer a more chaotic setting. A compromise might be found if these issues are raised early on.
What are your plans for caring for and providing for your parents?
Parents will get old and, in certain cases, get ill, necessitating their care. Decisions like whether or not you want to live with them, who will look after them, and how much money you want to set aside to provide for them should all be on the list of things a couple should think about before marrying.
What is your medical and mental health background?
It is critical to be biologically compatible, especially if you are planning to start a family together. At the absolute least, they might be open and honest about each other’s physical and mental health histories, as well as the histories of their families. They may psychologically prepare for what may happen in the future this way.
What city would you like to reside in?
Despite the fact that this may seem self-evident, people may fail to discuss it before getting married. Whether they choose to live in the country or the city will have a significant impact on the life they will share. If one spouse wants to live in an apartment while the other wants to live in a house with a front porch, it might lead to discontent. If one intends to live close their friends or family while the other believes the home is simply a temporary habitation, arguments may arise.
How long do you wish to spend with each other?
Though marriage normally entails living together, it does not imply that the couple must spend all of their time together, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They are still people with their own wants and desires. They will need to give each other space and have some alone time from time to time. Some people may require more space than others, therefore it is important to understand what each other expects before getting married.
What would you like to happen once you pass away?
It may be difficult to bring up this topic, especially when people are ready to celebrate sharing a life together, but it is critical to be on the same page. People usually have a preference as to whether they want to be buried or cremated when they die. And everyone has their own ideas about what they want people to do if they are on life support.
What do you want to get out of our social lives?
People are required to attend certain occasions together once they are married. Even married folks, however, occasionally desire to spend out with their friends without their wives there. So it is worth talking about what social events they plan to attend as a couple and who they should meet once they tie the wedding.